How can I manage my date’s obnoxious friends?

Yes, you’re hot for this guy or girl, but they seem to like spending a bit too much time with this fried or group of friends, some of which you don’t really care for, to put it lightly. They’re obnoxious, loud, have no consideration for others (namely your!) feelings. Maybe they’re not even that bad but your chemistry with them is just not there. So, what is poor you to do in this situation? Taking the highroad and accepting them while growing nervous and uneasy, possibly affecting the way your date is reacting to you/considering you? Go plane berserk and start a full on fight? We’ve gave this a thought and came up with a few tips for you, on managing that infectious date’s friend, always there to give you a hard time.


1. Is he/she doing something you hate on purpose?  Before you choose to take it all out and look for a conflict resolution, take a minute to analyze their behavior. Are they doing something that would be considered rude by everyone else? Are they doing something that it is only you that finds annoying/disturbing? What you’re looking to find is if the person is causing you trouble malevolently or whether they’re just unaware of the grief they’re given. Certainly each type of situation will have to be deal with differently, but for now just try to analyze it, as much as possibly out on the open

2. Is “the friend” coming to your every date? While some people will prefer that they be accompanied by a friend or relative to their first few dates, it becomes a little strange if you’ve seen each other for quite a while and this third person is still around. Therefore, while, say, for the 3 first dates you should be okay with it, you may want to bring it up that you’d like to see them in public just the 2 of you. Don’t mention that you’re not that much into the friend, especially if he or she is a good friend of your date, but do bring up the subject.

3. Should I have a talk to the friend? Before you face the friend, do let your date know, progressively, that you don’t really care that much for them. Try not to make it personal, try to insist on the actions or the things he or she does. Don’t be vague – explain in full and as much as possible with a respectful, if possible even jokingly, that they act spiteful/enraging towards you.

Why you need to take this precaution is because some people identify with their friends, see themselves as sharing attributes with them, which can make them think you hate something with them, rather than the third person in the discussion. Only after you’ve made it clear that you are not much of a fan do engage them directly. As we discussed above, the best case scenario is that they don’t really see how they’re offending you, so not doing it on purpose. However, this might be a character flaw, so you can’t really hope to change it. What you can however do, is try to make the friend understand that they should try to spend less time with you two. Rather let the heavy lifting be done by your date. If he or she is into you, they will want to try to make amends and will have a much more personal conversation with their friend, which will lead to a much better resolve.

4. Should I try to win them over or sewer the connection? The unfortunate thing is that some people are just going to be bad chemistry for you; it’s not much you can do about it. Sure, as I explained it in the lines above, if the friend is the third party on the first few dates, that’s it you will have to put up with it. However, later on, you will be faced with these 2 options, severance or becoming their friends.

But you can’t really do them both, instead, you need to choose. So, what will it be, do you want a date and a friend or a date without a friend? To go for the later, which most people would, especially if you’re not that thrilled about the date either, you will have to make it uncomfortable for them to be around you. But remember, dumping the friend will have repercussions on the date as well, since he or she will have to, or feel like they have to make a choice. So, only if you’re 100 percent sure that the date’s friend can’t be reasoned with/shares nothing with you, then the choice will become easy to do.

So, in conclusion, remember: be polite and discuss with the date first, then take a radical decision. Unfortunately, sometimes, beautiful things come at the experience of some cumbersome aspects as well. Only if you can’t deal with them at all should you try a radical solution.

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