Partly to make sure you’re not too intrusive or make use of a too personal set of questions, and partly to evaluate your how your date went, and also to evaluate him or her better, all fuzzy feelings aside, this article is meant to show you what a first date should be about. Some people expect too much, others expect too little, in either case, these expectations can lead to a perceived failure and a terrible date experience, notwithstanding your actual partner. So, let’s look at how to manage your dating life expectations.
- Dating is a game of lots of tries and few one pick. Whether you date around, have more dates going on at the same time, or date one guy or girl at the time, you will get to meet lots of girls or boys. This is bound to have some repercussions on how you perceive your date, and will refine your profiling. But, you must not lose sight about what it is actually about. You’re looking for the better match, that someone you can relate to, that will be a good partner for your quirks and weirdness as well as your good side. Yes, you’ll be excited about meeting more people, it’s natural to be so, but try to think about them from afar and while on date don’t act too clinically, calculatedly.
- Even when you know he/she isn’t the one, it doesn’t mean you can’ have a good time for half an hour/an hour. Here’s the idea, you’re probably not the only one dating around at one time, or looking to date other people. Chances are, your date has already made up his/her mind about you and also, they must have had a few awful dates before. Thus, try to be a nice date. Think it in terms of being stranded on an island with that someone and having to work it through for an hour. You can make it. So don’t tell him/her to the face that you’re not what you’re looking for, but don’t encourage them either. Simply just play cool and let the wine make the date more palatable. Hell, just enjoy your food, for a change. Only go berserk and storm out, if something completely inappropriate is going on there, some totally unreserved remarks, getting physical and other such abuse. But also, don’t build your date on this scenario happening. These are rare occasions, so don’t get scared by this possibility.
- Don’t ask questions you wouldn’t be comfortable answering yourself. You want to build some intimacy and knowing little secrets about your date is a good way to do it, but don’t push it. Share the stories you want to share, while avoiding non sequiturs, going from one question to another without some build-up, without some logical relationship between them. If you end up in an area of personal inquiry, don’t appear too eager to know your date’s secrets, unless it’s something funny, and you can play that card right. But a bit of personal info about work and family is definitely ok to launch into, as long as it isn’t seen as too intimate and your date isn’t willing to share. Don’t mention previous relationships, but if you get asked give a polite answer and don’t get into too much detail. Nobody, and the more so your date and potential future partner, should be told about the prowess of your ex partner! Keep that zipped, if you can help it forever, not only for the duration of the date.
- Am I appearing too friendly/distant? A date is about the meeting of a potential future couple, so some would argue, the potential to slip into the much talked about ‘friend-zone” is there. Take it how you wish, but those that argue that friend-zoning is factual, these people think a good remedy is to always give hints that you’re romantically interested in your partner, and act upon it. When your date is taking the conversation to areas that would be more suitable for a confidante, take control and, trying to avoid the friendly overtones. Don’t take it onto a zone of mind games either, unless it’s mutual and friendly. Those conversations that could be interpreted, with an underlying witticism or some form of sexual innuendos might be a bit too much for a fist date, subtle as they may be.
- So what if I learned nothing conclusive about my date, but I still want to see them again? Hey, that’s totally ok, human connections can happen instantaneously, or they can take lots of time and work. But consider that you’re building on top of something. You’ve had your first date, now you’re going to have a bit more ground to wiggle yourself the next time around. You’ll be able to ask questions, be more open and le things move on. The fact that you made it through a first date without feeling that you needed to be out of there can be enough reason to go on a second date. And frankly, if you had known that your date has not watched Breaking Bad when it first came out, would that have made a difference?
So, overall, a first date should not rise to inquisitorial levels of knowing somebody. It’s more a question of testing out one another’s chemistry, having a relaxed chat sprinkled with little personal tidbits and enjoying a good coffee/dinner/whatever. Remember to smile and have fun.